Things have been insane recently. I have had two expensive breakdowns with my car (just normal wear and tear), and then once I had got that sorted someone drove into the back of my car, and now I have all that admin to deal with. Having in theory 3 jobs, I am working harder than I have ever worked before, but it seems like the financial rewards are not flowing. On a physical level, my core needs work, my stress levels need levelling, my mind needs focus, and I need a rest – all of these things I get from the Yoga I can’t afford right now and have not much time to do. My friends in JHB keep inviting me on lovely holidays, but the time and money thing comes up again. The emails in my inbox grow like cockroaches – the faster I deal with them, the more I get – but it still takes soooooo looooong to get the business in. It’s just all so freaking irritating. BUT… (yes, there’s a ‘but’) through it all,
I am happy, I am healthy and I am grateful. I am actually in my element.
Frustrated almost to the point of tears, sometimes impatient, feeling a bit like a lone warrior, but I am happy and I know it should all settle down soon. That’s what balance is about isn’t it? I may be the fat kid on the seesaw right now, sitting on the ground, but soon something will come and weight the other side to send me flying back up to greater heights again.
The thing I keep reminding myself and realising is that I love my life, I love what I do, and all of this is in preparation for building and appreciating great abundance and wealth (and maybe a nice holiday down the line too!).
It reminds me that life is not dark, even if the obstacles keep clouding things over. My life is normal. It’s full of contrasts.
The thing with the contrast (and sometimes the battle) between dark & light, is that people always associate this with good vs evil. When you mention darkness, the assumption is that it is the darkest, most evil, sinister, worst thing ever. Often it is not. It could just be a cloud. Darkness is also a choice. It’s just the battle between what life throws you and the responses that happen in your mind.
The trick is to watch your inner dialogue and try and brighten it up as quickly as you reasonably can. It’s about balance too. Things will never always be dandy. You can’t always be bubbly and never be grumpy or sad. That stuff needs to be felt, expressed and shed to clear the clouds of darkness to let the brightness in again. When and how you do it is your choice to make.
Through it all, keep your eye on the horizon, and the bigger picture. Retreat to deal with things when and how you need to, but make sure to open the channels again, let some breath-work clean away the thoughts once you’ve acknowledged them, and then put on those shades and greet the bright new world with all it’s challenges as the opportunities that they are.
Always remember, you do need those dark moments to appreciate the brightness of what surrounds you. Going forward, may they be few and far between (or more evenly spaced at least)!